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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,518

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Just landed via X:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Going bananas on Slack:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Live now on LinkedIn:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Because even birds know it's never too early for a wild party! 🎉🐦🍎"

animals, birds, chaos, going, humor, love, morning, thing, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Blowing over it is also dusting.

0

2 months ago

blowing, cleaning, dusting, humor, irony, over, perspective
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

0

2 months ago

common, common sense, deodorant, humor, irony, lesson, life, life lesson, need, never, people, self-awareness, sense
I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

0

2 months ago

bet, Bigfoot, cheeseburger, creature, food, friendship, hangout, humor, i, mythical, mythical creature, once, time, us, wildlife
Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

0

5 months ago

1940s, 1950s, 1970s, 1990s, 40s, 50s, 70s, 90s, animated, animated sery, Batman, humor, love, nostalgia, once, period, place, seems, series, sery, take, time, time period
Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

0

2 months ago

advice, apps, directions, humor, just, map, mean, note, paved, road, self, travel
“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

0

2 months ago

3, animal, comedy, cow, film, humor, movie, perspective, POV, should, told, Twister

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Threads this month:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

25 shares on Discord this month:

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

65 shares on Slack this month:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I love unplanned fun.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Normalize booing in the workplace.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Making waves on YouTube:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Freshly posted on X:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Going viral on Messenger:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

Going bananas on Threads:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Just landed via Pinterest:

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨