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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,626

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

“I’m like Sisyphus but with dishes. Dishyphus.”

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Trending via Pinterest:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Just landed via Reddit:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Just shared via Messenger:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Because even birds know it's never too early for a wild party! 🎉🐦🍎"

animals, birds, chaos, going, humor, love, morning, thing, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

0

2 months ago

bar, call, canary, energy, energy bar, father, food, humor, joke, just, know, pet, snack
If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal shelter, bad, bad behavior, behavior, donation, humor, i, irony, organ, organ donation, organs, people, sarcasm, shelter
Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

0

2 months ago

career, career joke, comparison, employment, experience, help, humor, humorous, humorous comparison, hut, job, job humor, joke, know, pizza, pizza hut, retail, retail job, sunglass, sunglass hut, think, work, work experience, working, workplace, workplace humor
I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

0

2 months ago

actually, confirm, friends, humor, i, loneliness, nice, self-deprecation
If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

0

2 months ago

confusion, going, humor, i, irony, me, mind, question, self-awareness, thinking, unexpected
Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

0

2 months ago

boy, date, funny pick-up line, humor, know, last, line, machine, minutes, pick-up, relationship, time, washing, washing machine

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Twitch this month:

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

54 shares on Slack this month:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

31 shares on Threads this month:

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

75 shares on Discord this month:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Why did they call it K-pop and not Seoul music?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

Trending via Instagram:

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Live now on X:

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

Trending via Pinterest:

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called LinkedOut.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

Making waves on Discord:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

Going viral on Twitch:

Deleting university to focus on Twitter.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨