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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,505

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Shared recently on Threads:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Seen just now on Instagram:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

Just shared via Telegram:

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Breaking via YouTube:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
If being a sweetheart paid the bills, I'd be lounging in a heart-shaped mansion by now! 💖💸

being, humor, i, job, just, kindness, paid, payment, sarcasm, sweetheart, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

0

5 months ago

air, beep, drum, drum solo, humor, In the Air Tonight, just, kitchen, kitchen humor, me, microwave, music, music parody, parody, slap, solo, tonight, tummy, tummy slap, waiting
“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

0

2 months ago

anything, communication, humor, policy, privacy, privacy policy, sarcasm, technology, tell, update, us, why
Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

0

2 months ago

caring, city, close-knit, distance, family, happiness, humor, irony, relationships
Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

0

2 months ago

church, design, fart, humor, pew, shame, wooden
Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

0

2 months ago

essential, humor, interaction, man, men, pretend, pretending, skill, social, social interaction, stare, staring, survival, survival skill, woman, women
Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

0

4 months ago

adulting, class, humor, lesson, life, life lesson, responsibility, skip, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

50 shares on TikTok this month:

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

54 shares on TikTok this month:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Trust my gut? The thing that can’t even handle milk.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Just shared via Twitch:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Trending via Twitch:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Breaking via TikTok:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

Shared recently on Slack:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨