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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,720

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Trending via Pinterest:

Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Making waves on Facebook:

My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.

Seen just now on Discord:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Going bananas on Threads:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Live now on TikTok:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
If being a sweetheart paid the bills, I'd be lounging in a heart-shaped mansion by now! 💖💸

being, humor, i, job, just, kindness, paid, payment, sarcasm, sweetheart, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

0

2 months ago

argument, attitude, back, comebacks, conversation, even, humor, i, insult, nice, nothing, promise, remark, sarcasm, say, something, witty, witty remark, worse
In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

0

2 months ago

alternate, alternate universe, dreams, fantasy, humor, imagination, me, sex, universe
“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

0

2 months ago

before, changes, communication, elegant, Friday, hear, humor, problems, solution, solve, work, work humor
As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

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5 months ago

age, aging, amazing, bird-watching, birdwatching, creeps, fast, hobby, humor, nature, older, older age, pastime, surprise
“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

0

2 months ago

baking, cooking, food, honesty, humor, i, love, spoon
Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

0

3 months ago

27, 30, age, aging, birthday, ever, humor, just, life, old, only, turn, younger, youth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Slack this month:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

51 shares on TikTok this month:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

When did making sense stop making sense?

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

69 shares on Slack this month:

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I’ve already picked out my sweatpants for New Year’s Eve.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Just shared via Slack:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Live now on Reddit:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

Breaking via TikTok:

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Spotted on Reddit:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨