Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

334 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,603

Funny Quotes Topics

17,660

Funny Quotes Images

15,603

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,652

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

Breaking via Discord:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Live now on Messenger:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Going bananas on Reddit:

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

Trending via Slack:

Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?

Going viral on Slack:

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sorry boss, can't make it to work today. My partner's cozy cuddles have activated maximum 'stay in bed' mode 😴🛌 #priorities"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

2 months ago

art, hang, humor, lie, painting, relationship, sex, straight, tell
I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

2 months ago

after, bed, creature, environment, humor, i, kid, kids, living, living creature, okay, parenting, procrastination, saw, spider, survive, tired, too, under
I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

2 months ago

eat, eating, health, health insurance, humor, hunger, hungry, i, insurance, job, joke, salary, work, work humor, workplace
Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

2 months ago

asking, authority, funny moment, helpful, humor, interaction, me, moment, officer, police, police officer, questions, reminder
Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

2 months ago

board, charcuterie, cheddar, cleverness, food, humor, intelligence, joke, wit
Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

2 months ago

control, control freak, dark, dark humor, death, eulogy, freak, funny perspective, funny thought, humor, i, loved, ones, own, perspective, quirky, relatable, say, thinking, thought, thoughts, want, writing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

Times New Roman never did anything to anybody. It was a real trooper. Then society unceremoniously dethroned it.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

56 shares on Slack this month:

Your password must contain a character… with a tragic backstory.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Trending via Snapchat:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Spotted on Telegram:

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Just landed via YouTube:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Spotted on Reddit:

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Fun prank: make people study for 16 years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨