If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

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My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

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Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

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In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

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It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

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There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

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If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

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Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

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If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

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I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

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They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.