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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,305

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Spotted on Twitch:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Going viral on X:

You ever wake up from your dreams impressed? Like, damn, that narrative structure was phenomenal.

Breaking via X:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

Just landed via Twitch:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

Breaking via Threads:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Live now on WhatsApp:

The subtle art of letting yourself go crazy once in a while.

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'll have to change my name to "Whole Oat Soy Almond Coconut Non-Dairy" 👩‍🌾🥛😂

accident, accidentally, asked, cafe, humor, i, interaction, leftist, milk, normal, said, social, social interaction, speech, wanted

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

2 months ago

analogy, bang, furniture, humor, pinky, pinky toe, playful, relationship, toe
Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

2 months ago

alive, being, cool, ever, existence, horror, humor, irony, life, peace, sex
Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

3 months ago

court, entertainment, humor, lawyer, legal, performance, song, songs, walk-up, walk-up song, wrestler
I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

2 months ago

hair, humor, i, Medusa, mythology, night, sound, wonder
I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

2 months ago

bigger, expectation, humor, i, joke, lot, microbiologist, science, size, today
Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

2 months ago

before, crazy, i, me, psychiatrist, question, seeing, start

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

42 shares on X this month:

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

Just shared via Telegram:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Making waves on Facebook:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Trending via Messenger:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

Spotted on Slack:

Mike is short for Micycle.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

Breaking via YouTube:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Trending via Threads:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨