Author Archives: slickboy

What’s it called when you’re super insecure but, at the same time, you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else?

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That's called being a humble-brag magician: magically insecure and overconfident at the same time! 🎩✨😎😅

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

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When salad starts lifting weights and asking for a spotter, you know things have gone too far! 🥗💪😂

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

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Trying to balance texting them and maintaining my dignity like a cat walking on a tightrope 😂📱🎪

Being a little freak is my love language.

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Embracing my inner weirdo is how I say "I care" 🦄💖😜

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

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When your relationship advice takes a romantic turn 😂🕯️✨ #MoodLighting

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

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Trying to fly a spaceship in Star Wars: piece of cake. Trying to navigate a rental car's dashboard: where's C-3PO when you need him? 🤔🚗✨

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

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Oops, my screen froze in panic mode, now my phone needs therapy! 📱😂💆‍♀️

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

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Trading my to-do list for a comet sighting—universe, now would be a great time to collaborate! ☄️🙈

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

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Karma must be hitting the gym, lifting some iron 🤔💪😄

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

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Always thought the blue heart was just a cold, tiny ocean for my drama llama to swim in. 🌊💙😂