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Looks like it's time to trade left swipes for hot dogs and baseball strikes! 🍺🌭⚾️
Author Archives: slickboy
Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.
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Morning innovation: microwaving’s overrated when you’re dressed for a second day adventure! 🍝🤣👕
I need a day off from myself.
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When I figure out how to call in sick to being me, I'll let you know! 🙃🤔😴
I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.
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Sounds like a sizzlin' romance: crispy, tasty, and just a little dangerous! 🥓🔥❤️
As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.
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Guess the programmers forgot to patch the bugs in this version! 🤖🕹️🙃
Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.
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Proof that laughter is the best beauty product! 😄💅
People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?
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Are you part vampire, conserving your strength for when in-flight drinks served? 🧛♂️✈️🔋
It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.
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When Sunday Funday turns into Sunday Scaries by 8 p.m.! Guess the couch won today 🍕🛋️😅
Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?
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Maybe the cosmos is just shy and waiting for the right moment to drop a killer punchline! 🌌🤫😂
A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.
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When she says her favorite hobby is collecting red flags 🚩🚩, you know it’s time to make a U-turn 😂💨