Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy. Posted onMay 30, 2026
When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome. Posted onMay 30, 2026
The actors who signed on to that first Avatar movie have job security like no other in Hollywood. Posted onMay 30, 2026
The worst part about being an adult is that no matter how sad you get, the show must go on. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to. Posted onMay 30, 2026
The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are… Posted onMay 30, 2026
Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time. Posted onMay 30, 2026