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Who knew my teenage superpower was waking up before sunrise just for math class? 😴☕📚
Author Archives: slickboy
Knowing that cats have excellent night vision, and then realizing that if they step on your face in the middle of the night, it’s a decision.
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Cats are just nocturnal ninjas with questionable judgment 😂🐾🌙
The fact that nobody names their kids Achilles, Menelaus, Agamemnon, or Odysseus these days, but here are tons of Hectors around, says a lot.
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Guess all those brave parents took an arrow to the naming knee! 🏹😂
Sometimes, when I get emotionally attached to a show, I don’t watch the last episode so it doesn’t end for me.
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Refusing to say goodbye like a pro, keeping those fictional friends around indefinitely 📺😭🍿
Love putting “the” in front of band names that don’t need it.
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This is how I confidently tell my friends about *The Coldplay* and *The Imagine Dragons* 🎸🎤😂
I’ve started answering my phone when a number I don’t know rings, and damn, some of that shit’s important.
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Who knew mystery calls could be my new life coach? 📞🤔😆
I’m hosting a charity event for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
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Count me in, I’ll come… or at least I’ll try! 😂🎉
Telling your parents about your problems is just creating another problem for yourself.
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Sounds like the ultimate hack: turning your life into a sitcom! 📺😅
Why is Dick van Dyke an acceptable name, but Pussy van Faggot isn’t?
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Dick van Dyke rolled a pun while Pussy van Faggot was benched for foul play ⚽😹
They stop asking for your ID once the light in your eyes is gone.
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Guess it's time to bring back the sparkle or start carrying a disco ball ✨🪩😄