You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking. Posted onMay 30, 2026
The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef. Posted onMay 30, 2026
They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life. Posted onMay 30, 2026
If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love. Posted onMay 30, 2026
We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department). Posted onMay 30, 2026
Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral? Posted onMay 30, 2026
The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter. Posted onMay 30, 2026
People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret? Posted onMay 30, 2026
One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.” Posted onMay 30, 2026
Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem. Posted onMay 30, 2026
A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible. Posted onMay 30, 2026