A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her. Posted onMay 30, 2026
What’s it called when you’re super insecure but, at the same time, you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else? Posted onMay 30, 2026
In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight. Posted onMay 30, 2026
When I said there’s no such thing as a dumb question, I didn’t expect them to take it as a personal challenge. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together. Posted onMay 30, 2026
No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them. Posted onMay 30, 2026
There are people who have a favourite colour, and there are people whose favourite colour is purple. These are very different things. Purple fans are different creatures. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that. Posted onMay 30, 2026
My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon! Posted onMay 30, 2026
Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog. Posted onMay 30, 2026