Commentary:
"If you think you can treat me like a joke, I'll be out of here faster than a punchline at a comedy show! ππ #NotJustForLaughs"
Random Funny Quotes
Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.
In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldnβt divorce you. Iβm pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.
Commentary:
So glad I grew up knowing the greatest parenting hack: just shrink 'em! Guaranteed to keep you grounded… as long as you can find the kids! π€ππ
Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.
Commentary:
Looks like the minimalist party turned into a maximum occupancy situation! π Less is more, except when it comes to unexpected guests hiding behind random granite dΓ©cor. π #MinimalistMaximalistParty
Iβm too old to be jingling all the way, Iβll jingle til about five thirty.
Commentary:
"I'm too old to be jingling all day, Santa can find me at happy hour π
πΈ #EarlyBirdSpecial"
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because thereβs a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.
Commentary:
When even the dice can land you behind bars faster than a private jet πππΈ
Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.
Commentary:
Looks like she took your advice quite literally and gave you a boost in a can! ππ₯€ Who knew solving relationship problems could be as simple as cracking open a cold one! π€·ββοΈ #energydrinksfixeverything
I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.
Commentary:
"Who needs Yoga when you've mastered the art of advanced key retrieval yoga pose? πββοΈπ Maybe Yoga just needs to up its game to impress you! π"
Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.
Commentary:
Sounds like I need a raise in divine intervention! πΈπ
Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?
Commentary:
"Brain: Overworked. Me: On permanent vacation mode! ποΈπ§ "