Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

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Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

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I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

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Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

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I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

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I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

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If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

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“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

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Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

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Problematic bed time gap relationship.

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Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.