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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

I love having plans to cancel.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Taking off my house pajamas to put on my errands pajamas.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,289

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Making waves on Twitch:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Going viral on Reddit:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Seen just now on WeChat:

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to keep my brain organized like a sock drawer full of mismatched ideas! 🧦🧠

employment, full-time, humor, job, list, lists, load, making, mental, mental load, productivity, think, thinking, thought, thoughts, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, language, panty, say, sexy, speech, weird, word
Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

0

2 months ago

accomplish, accomplishment, center, holidays, humans, humor, irony, much, parking, shopping, shopping center, struggle
To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

0

2 months ago

animal, bed, both, breakfast, food, hay, horse, humor, play, play on words, pun, words
Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

0

2 months ago

candid, honesty, humor, i, interviewer, irony, job, just, me, money, need, sarcasm, want
I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

0

2 months ago

communication, email, existence, finds, hope, humor, i, irony, paradox, peace, philosophy, relative
I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

0

2 months ago

creative, humor, interpretation, just, late, procrastination, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Reddit this month:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Biggest flex is when your friend’s mom uses you as a good example.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

31 shares on Instagram this month:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

43 shares on Slack this month:

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Why am I scrolling? What am I searching for?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

I really love how squirrels get extra chubby heading into winter mostly because it’s super relatable.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Trending via Threads:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Trending via Facebook:

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Shared recently on Discord:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨