75 funny career quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

May 25, 2026

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

May 24, 2026

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

May 24, 2026

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

May 24, 2026

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

May 24, 2026

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

May 23, 2026

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

May 23, 2026

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

May 23, 2026

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

May 23, 2026

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

May 23, 2026

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

May 23, 2026

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

May 22, 2026

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

May 22, 2026

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

May 22, 2026

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

May 22, 2026

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

May 22, 2026

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

May 22, 2026

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

May 22, 2026

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

May 21, 2026

Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

May 21, 2026

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

May 21, 2026

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

May 21, 2026

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

May 21, 2026

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not having a job.

May 21, 2026

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

May 21, 2026

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

May 20, 2026

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

May 20, 2026

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

May 19, 2026

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

May 19, 2026

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

May 19, 2026

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

May 19, 2026

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

May 19, 2026

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

May 19, 2026

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

May 19, 2026

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

May 19, 2026