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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Long-distance couples be like, “I can’t wait,” and then they wait.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,229

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Shared recently on Discord:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Going bananas on Discord:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Making waves on Threads:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

Trending via Snapchat:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

Going viral on Reddit:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Live now on X:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Just shared via TikTok:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Making waves on Threads:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

19 Funny court quotes

More funny court quotes 👇

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

0

2 months ago

court, humor, i, love, marriage, registry, relationship
Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

0

2 months ago

anything, court, courtroom, honor, humor, nice, objection, prosecutor, say, wit
Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

0

2 months ago

baked, baked goods, browny, court, courtroom, dessert, everyone, funny statement, goods, honor, humor, i, judge, legal, statement, trial
He took my last fry, your honor.

0

2 months ago

court, food, fry, honor, humor, last, snack, theft
He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

0

2 months ago

clicking, court, distraction, honor, humor, judge, minute, pen, times, trial
Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

0

2 months ago

court, entertainment, humor, lawyer, legal, performance, song, songs, walk-up, walk-up song, wrestler
It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

0

4 months ago

court, honor, humor, internet, internet slang, judge, liberating, liberation, shitposting, should, slang, sometimes, try
Notice how Lorde has a song called “Tennis Court” and not “Pickleball Court”? Tired of y’all pushing that fake sport.

0

4 months ago

court, fake, Fake sport, Funny quote, humor, Lorde, music, notice, pickleball, Pickleball Court, pushing, song, sport, tennis, Tennis Court, tired
Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

0

5 months ago

activity, alternative, case, court, date, date alternative, dinner, dinner date, forget, fun, fun activity, listening, sit

For even more funny court quotes, hit next 👇

All funny court quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

63 shares on Slack this month:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

37 shares on Slack this month:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

55 shares on X this month:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

38 shares on Twitch this month:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

43 shares on Instagram this month:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Just landed via Messenger:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Just landed via Instagram:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Just shared via YouTube:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Shared recently on X:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Just shared via Discord:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Can you delete that photo of me? It looks exactly the way I look in real life.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Seen just now on Facebook:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Activity Log ✨

19 Funny court quotes

More funny court quotes 👇

All funny court quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨