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New funny quotes: 15821 this month

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Updated: May 30, 2026

 

 

 

 

68 Funny dark humor quotes

Funny dark humor quotes are like a mischievous wink in the world of comedy, perfectly blending laughter and a touch of the unexpected 😂💀. They dance on the edge, tickling our funny bones while revealing those deliciously awkward truths we secretly love to acknowledge 🤭. If you enjoy a chuckle with a side of edginess, these quotes are your go-to for a humor fix that’s both daring and delightful! 🌟

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Posted onMay 19, 2026

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