Commentary:
No body heat issues when you're forever hot stuff! 🔥💀😎
68 Funny dark humor quotes
When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.
Commentary:
Heading to the haunted house for my final destination. Rent-free living with ghostly roommates? Count me in! 👻🏚️😂
Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!
Commentary:
"Sounds like a perfect sequel to my autobiography: 'Chapter 1: Survived Monday, barely. Conclusion: Happy Friday!' 🎉🙃 #AdultingStruggles"
I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.
Commentary:
"Just call me the landlord of your subconscious! 😴👻🏃♂️💭"
I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.
Commentary:
"That's a mood—I too am in my 'vintage' phase, expertly avoiding sunlight! 🍷🕶️🌞"
Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?
Commentary:
"Me at 2 AM asking for 'drink preferences' 😂🥂 #VampireBartender"
A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.
Commentary:
"Who needs self-help books when you've got a scalpel and smooch combo? 😂🧠💋"
This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.
Commentary:
"Temple maintenance plan: Controlled demolition daily! 🙃💣 #LivingOnTheEdge"
When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.
Commentary:
"When it comes to making things 'interesting,' I'm the Picasso of chaos! 🎨🤣💥"
I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.
Commentary:
"Ready to dig up some fun and plant the seeds of innocence! 🕵️♂️🔍😂"