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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

My parents think they know me.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I just found out I have to go on dates to get a boyfriend. I’m sick to my stomach.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Shared recently on Slack:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

Spotted on X:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Seen just now on Facebook:

To be happy as a man, you simply need to replace your screen time with beautiful women time.

Making waves on Twitch:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Trending via Messenger:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Going viral on TikTok:

Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

Live now on YouTube:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

Making waves on Twitch:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.

1 week ago

activity, computer, dating, fine, humor, irony, relationship, technology
Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

1 week ago

advice, date, dating, dating advice, expectation, humor, irony, just, love, person, relationship, right
She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

1 week ago

bro, communication, conversation, dating, humor, leave, read, relationship, speechless
Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?

1 week ago

being, crazy, dating, fun, humor, mean, no one, relationship, single
I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

1 week ago

attractive, bio, dating, DMs, humor, i, irony, media, pretend, put, self-esteem, social, social media
So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

1 week ago

bad, bad boys, boys, dating, everything, humor, joke, relationship, self-deprecation, wit
Difference between a flirt and harassment: if you are handsome, it’s a flirt, if you are ugly, it’s harassment.

1 week ago

attraction, dating, dynamics, flirt, handsome, harassment, humor, perception, relationship, social, social dynamics, ugly
God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

1 week ago

dating, God, humor, love, patience, relationship, soulmate, tracking, wish
If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

1 week ago

advice, block, dating, feeling, follow, humor, joke, just, relationship
If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

1 week ago

boyfriend, dating, faster, gamer, humor, relationship, roll, walking

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

I would rather lose you than the argument.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

46 shares on Discord this month:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Trending via Slack:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

Just landed via TikTok:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

Seen just now on Telegram:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Just shared via X:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Seen just now on TikTok:

How is it still this week?

Activity Log ✨

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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