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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Scientists just confirmed that our dreams were real in another reality.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Going viral on X:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Spotted on Slack:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Spotted on WeChat:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Breaking via WeChat:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Freshly posted on Slack:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I feel like I’m in jail when I’m around unfunny people for too long.

Going viral on X:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

144 Funny diet quotes

More funny diet quotes 👇

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

3 months ago

diet, eat, eating, food, humor, i, just, people, put, reading, recipe, slim, stay, want, weight
At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

3 months ago

bacon, cooking, diet, food, humor, i, point, question, salad
Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

3 months ago

day, delicious, diet, food, house, humor, loss, unhealthy, unhealthy food, weight, weight loss
It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

3 months ago

body, candy, chip, chips, cookie, diet, essential, food, found, fuel, humor, important, nutrient, snack

For even more funny diet quotes, hit next 👇

All funny diet quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Discord this month:

Was already at my breaking point, and then had to use the authenticator app.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

January is the Monday of the year.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

12 shares on Threads this month:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

49 shares on X this month:

My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Maybe you should embark on a strange journey.

Just landed via TikTok:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Just shared via Discord:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Making waves on Reddit:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Seen just now on YouTube:

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Going viral on Discord:

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

Breaking via Facebook:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

144 Funny diet quotes

More funny diet quotes 👇

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

All funny diet quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨