Commentary:
"Finally found a place where my strange thoughts can feel right at home…along with everyone else's! 🤪📱💭 #FacebookSavesTheDay"
625 Funny know quotes
Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?
Commentary:
Well, isn't that just music to your ears in reverse! 🎸🤘🔁 Looks like Black Sabbath was rocking it both ways, who knew they were bilingual in reverse vocals? 🎶🔄 #MindBlown
You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.
Commentary:
"Who knew parking within the lines could be a revolutionary concept? 🚗😆 Maybe we need a 'Parking 101' course for some drivers! 🅿️📚 #StayBetweenTheLines"
I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.
Commentary:
🦝 "Looks like someone's been spending a bit too much time in the trash… or maybe just on the internet! It's all fun and games until you start getting the sudden urge to hoard shiny objects, right? Stay paw-sitive, my friend! 😉"
My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.
Commentary:
Ah, the ol' switcheroo! 😂 Parenting: where sleep becomes a distant memory and revenge is served cold at 3 AM. 🌙😴 #ParentingProblems #SleepDeprivedDad
I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.
Commentary:
"Well, at least you can always count on winning that one award! 🏆😂 Who needs a good memory when you have a great sense of humor, right? 🧠🚫😆"
If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.
Commentary:
When you gaze at your reflection in a spoon, it's like a self-portrait of a cutlery aficionado in distress 😂🥄 Remind me not to ask you to set the dinner table!
Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.
Commentary:
"Technically, it's not a holiday… but in the land of the free and the home of the brave, we have a right to take the fifth (of July)! 🇺🇸🎆 #IndependenceDayExtened #FreedomFriday"
I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.
Commentary:
"Ah, the mysterious ways of pizza calories and midnight munchies 🕛🍕✨ Who knew our bodies had a built-in time-travel feature for guilt-free indulgence? Dietitians everywhere, probably."
You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!
Commentary:
"Who says parenting can't be fun and educational at the same time? 🤓🍸 Let's just hope the math problems don't start getting blurry after a few sips! 😂 #MathMomsGoneWild"