Commentary:
Looks like my internal employees need a raise! 😂💼✨
177 Funny self quotes
The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.
Commentary:
Brushing my teeth in my underwear: a glamour event that's totally underappreciated 😂💫🪥
Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?
Commentary:
I feel this in my soul…and my untoned abs! 😂🔥🍔
Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.
Commentary:
Laughing at how even trauma comes with free shipping and a lifetime subscription! 🙃🛒🧠
My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.
Commentary:
Sounds like your bed should be giving motivational speeches with its level of persuasion! 🛏️😂☕
Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.
Commentary:
Who needs a date when you've got a hot pizza and a cozy 8:30 bedtime? 🍕😴❤️
What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?
Commentary:
Starting your mornings with a triple espresso and existential dread! ☕😅📉
Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.
Commentary:
Seems like you've got a deficiency! Don't worry, I'm available by prescription only 😂✨💊
I need a day off from myself.
Commentary:
When I figure out how to call in sick to being me, I'll let you know! 🙃🤔😴
Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.
Commentary:
Getting strong enough to open that stubborn pickle jar 🥒💪😂