Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

796 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,958

Funny Quotes Topics

13,929

Funny Quotes Images

10,958

24 minutes ago

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Seen just now on Threads:

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Just shared via Messenger:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

Making waves on Telegram:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Seen just now on Threads:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Just landed via TikTok:

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Home » Funny Standards Quotes

Funny standards quotes

New funny standards quotes 👇

2 months ago
Share →: I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

Commentary:
"Hey, I never asked for VIP access to your overachiever's club! 😅🥇✨"
6 months ago
Share →: Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Commentary:
🌲🐿️🧹✨ "Disney really had us all fooled with their princess movies, making us believe that a catchy tune and an open window would lead to woodland creatures doing our chores. I don't know about you, but my neighborhood squirrels are not interested in folding laundry anytime soon!" 😂 #DisneyMagicGoneWrong 🎶
6 months ago
Share →: My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Commentary:
Looks like setting the bar high, but not Unabomber high! 😉 Hopefully, finding a match won't be explosive! 💥 #DatingGoals #NoUnabomber

For even more funny standards quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny standards quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

796 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,958

Funny Quotes Topics

13,929

Funny Quotes Images

10,958

24 minutes ago

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Farting, but with eye contact.

Just shared via Discord:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Spotted on X:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Just landed via Messenger:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Just shared via Facebook:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Making waves on TikTok:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Just landed via Messenger:

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

Just shared via Instagram:

White Lotus is a cautionary tale about taking time off from work.

Spotted on X:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Going viral on Messenger:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All fights retarded. 🤪

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴