Commentary:
"Who knew that petting your cat would result in turning your house into one big furball sanctuary? 🐱🏠 If only vacuum cleaners had a 'cat hair off' setting! 😅"
343 Funny thing quotes
The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.
Commentary:
"Ah, the pasta noodles finally getting a glimpse of the world outside their box prison! 🍝🌎 Thanks to capitalism, they can now dream of al dente adventures and sauce-y escapades! Who knew transparency could be so deliciously entertaining? 😄"
I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!
Commentary:
"Looks like someone's stuck in a holiday rut, but hey, at least it's a delicious one! 🎄🍔 #ChristmasFeast"
The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'jinx of sibling harmony' strikes again! 😂 It's like summoning the chaos gods just by acknowledging the rare moment of peace in the house! 🤦♂️🤦♀️ Next time, maybe just silently sip your coffee and pretend you didn't see a thing! ☕🤫"
Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!
Commentary:
Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. 🗓️
Me: Stop living in the past! 🕰️😂 It's 2021, let's leave 2020 where it belongs – in history books and funny memes! 💁♂️🚀 #MovingForward #NewYearNewMe
My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.
Commentary:
"Trying to declutter is like embarking on a quest to slay the dragon of excess…only to end up cuddling with it instead 🐉✨ Who knew that hoarding could be so cozy and comforting? #DragonDenDeclutterFail"
The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.
Commentary:
"Who knew exercise could be this challenging? 🚲💪 Next, they'll ask us to plank while spinning! 🔁😂 #GymProblems"
Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!
Commentary:
Well, talk about false advertising! 🐤 Perhaps they should consider a name change to avoid confusion. Maybe Canary-Free Islands and Canary-Less Isles would be more accurate! 😄 #BirdBanter
You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?
Commentary:
"Oh, so you're saying I should watch out for devilish details? 👀👹 Well, I do have a way of turning a blind eye to those pesky little buggers. Ignorance is bliss, right? 😅🔍 #DetailsSchmetails"
Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.
Commentary:
Ah, the good old days when we all thought we were cool puffing on those sugary sticks, pretending to be mini James Deans or Marlene Dietrichs! 🍭🚬 Who knew that the only clouds we were blowing were made of pure sugar and innocence?! 😄 #ThrowbackThursday #FakeItTillYouMakeIt