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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

January is the Monday of the year.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I made you snort laugh, so we’re going out, right?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,336

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

Shared recently on Messenger:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

Just landed via YouTube:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

Going viral on Discord:

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Just shared via Instagram:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

44 Funny traffic quotes

More funny traffic quotes 👇

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

3 weeks ago

bad, bad luck, commute, driving, every, frustration, going, hell, hitting, humor, light, luck, red, red light, super, super talent, talent, traffic, wherever
I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

3 weeks ago

back, car, driving, found, humor, i, Jesus, joke, religion, road, road safety, safety, signal, traffic, turn, turn signal
Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

3 weeks ago

doing, driving, frustration, green, humor, joke, patience, sat, sign, stop, stop sign, today, traffic, turn, waiting, wondering
Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

3 weeks ago

baby, baby on board, behind, board, car, car sticker, child, dealing, driver, drivers, humor, know, parenting, putting, right, road, road safety, safety, sticker, traffic, vehicle, wheel

For even more funny traffic quotes, hit next 👇

All funny traffic quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Slack this month:

Crazy to think the average Zoomer male just works, watches porn, and plays video games. That’s it. That’s their whole life.

29 shares on X this month:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

53 shares on Threads this month:

Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

62 shares on Discord this month:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Live now on Threads:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Seen just now on Twitch:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Trending via TikTok:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Going bananas on X:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

44 Funny traffic quotes

More funny traffic quotes 👇

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

All funny traffic quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨