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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

If I was God, I would’ve equipped women with venom glands.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Being silly is very important for my mental health.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2383 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,545

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,545

Updated

56 minutes ago

Users Online

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Shared recently on Discord:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Seen just now on Reddit:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Breaking via WeChat:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Going viral on Telegram:

That awkward moment between birth and death.

Trending via YouTube:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sounds like a great alarm clock with built-in chewing function! 🐶⏰😂"

animal, animal antics, antics, behavior, best, best friend, bite, companionship, early, early morning, excitement, friend, humor, market, morning, pet, pet behavior, puppy

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

Breaking via Reddit:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Just landed via X:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Going viral on TikTok:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Spotted on Facebook:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Going viral on Twitch:

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

Making waves on Twitch:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Just landed via Reddit:

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

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Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

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Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

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