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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,517

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Just shared via Telegram:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Breaking via WeChat:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Just shared via Twitch:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Going viral on WeChat:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Breaking via Messenger:

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

Just shared via WeChat:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

3 weeks ago

Playful quote about puppy love and early mornings with a mischievous furry friend.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sounds like a great alarm clock with built-in chewing function! 🐶⏰😂"

animal, animal antics, antics, behavior, best, best friend, bite, companionship, early, early morning, excitement, friend, humor, market, morning, pet, pet behavior, puppy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on X this month:

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Dads were right. Walking around with your hands behind your back and looking at everything around with a mild look of disgust and annoyance is so much fun.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

72 shares on X this month:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

42 shares on TikTok this month:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

Making waves on Discord:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Spotted on WeChat:

I asked myself if I was the problem and we said no.

Spotted on Threads:

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

Just shared via TikTok:

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Broadcasted on X:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

Going viral on WeChat:

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

Trending via Instagram:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨