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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

It’s like 10,000 steps when all you need is a nap.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,677

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Trending via Messenger:

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

Making waves on X:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Trending via TikTok:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Live now on Threads:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Just landed via TikTok:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Going viral on WeChat:

Social media is mental suicide.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

White Lotus is a cautionary tale about taking time off from work.

Trending via WeChat:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Trending via TikTok:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

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Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sounds like a great alarm clock with built-in chewing function! 🐶⏰😂"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Discord this month:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

37 shares on X this month:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

86 shares on X this month:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

91 shares on Slack this month:

There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

69 shares on Slack this month:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I woke up alive again.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,711

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Work for a living? In this economy?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I’m never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Social media is mental suicide.

Just landed via Threads:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“It’s not that deep!” Well, I have a shovel and I enjoy digging for meaning.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Going viral on Slack:

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

Trending via YouTube:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

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