Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,741

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Making waves on Reddit:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Trending via YouTube:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

Making waves on Snapchat:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Just shared via Discord:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Spotted on Slack:

My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about hopeful impatience with a witty tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you're so optimistic, even your calendar's blushing 😂🗓️💭

anticipation, humor, i, optimism, patience, wait, waiting, works

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Reddit this month:

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

85 shares on Facebook this month:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Just shared via Threads:

Violence is not the answer, unless you’re a gaggle of children instructed to break into a piñata.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

Just shared via Instagram:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Just shared via YouTube:

I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Live now on Threads:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨