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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,402

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Making waves on Twitch:

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Making waves on Threads:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Just landed via Threads:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

Just shared via Slack:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Going viral on TikTok:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

4 weeks ago

Playful quote about revealing secrets over wine, humorous and witty in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a truth serum with a grape-y twist! 🍷😄

anything, bottle, drinking, ever, fact, humor, just, know, me, minutes, personal, socializing, wanted, wine

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Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Threads this month:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

90 shares on Threads this month:

When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

No more fun facts. I want to know what your last nightmare was about.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Spotted on Messenger:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Just landed via Messenger:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

Making waves on Discord:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Making waves on Telegram:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Don’t study, get slutty!

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Don’t study, get slutty!

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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