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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,664

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Making waves on TikTok:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Trending via Facebook:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

Going bananas on Slack:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Making waves on Telegram:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Making waves on Threads:

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

Making waves on Threads:

My middle finger salutes you.

I’m so introverted, I only listen to house music.

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I’m so introverted, I only listen to house music.
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Commentary:
When your playlist is a fortress of solitude 🎶🏠😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Slack this month:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

62 shares on Twitch this month:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

87 shares on Slack this month:

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

At the end of the day, it’s just me and me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,646

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Freshly posted on Discord:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

Going viral on TikTok:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Trending via Reddit:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Just shared via Facebook:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

Going viral on Threads:

The actors you see in movies are probably home by now.

Just landed via Snapchat:

“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

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