Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,231

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My toxic trait is destroying my room every time I get dressed.

Making waves on Instagram:

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

Live now on Pinterest:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

Just shared via YouTube:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

Just landed via Messenger:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your future memoir title should be "2020: The Year That Really Needed a Cigarette Break" 🚬😂📅

better, cigarette, cigarettes, comparison, humor, life, sarcasm, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

0

5 months ago

autumn, beanie, cozy, excited, excitement, fall, fashion, feel, i, oh, oversized, sweater, Ugg, wear
So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

0

3 months ago

am, communication, fluent, friendship, humor, i, me, next, silence, sit, speak, tired, too
Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

0

2 months ago

accident, clothing, coffee, humor, shirt, spill, violence, white, white shirt
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

0

2 months ago

ability, aerobic, boredom, exercise, fitness, greek, Greek words, humor, word, wordplay, words
Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

0

2 months ago

call, call out, day, everyone, humor, launch, little, next, prank, soft, soft launch, stomach, weird, work
Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, comparison, fit, hand, humor, irony, nature, palm, palm tree, size, size comparison, tree

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Reddit this month:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

91 shares on X this month:

You’re either really good at wrapping presents or you’re really beautiful and funny. It’s one or the other.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

Going viral on WeChat:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

Making waves on Slack:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

Spotted on Facebook:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Just shared via Facebook:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

Just landed via Reddit:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Going bananas on X:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Making waves on Instagram:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨