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Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

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Updated

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Making waves on Reddit:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Broadcasted on Discord:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

Going viral on YouTube:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

Trending via Messenger:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Live now on Discord:

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

22 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your relationship advice takes a romantic turn 😂🕯️✨ #MoodLighting

babe, candlelight, communication, dating, gaslight, humor, less, light, relationship, sarcasm

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Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Just shared via TikTok:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Shared recently on YouTube:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Trending via Instagram:

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Making waves on X:

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

Just landed via Threads:

Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

Spotted on YouTube:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

Just landed via Reddit:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

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More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

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More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

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