Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,324

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

Just shared via Discord:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Seen just now on Messenger:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Seen just now on Instagram:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

Breaking via WeChat:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.

Just shared via Twitch:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

Spotted on Messenger:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Just shared via Telegram:

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your relationship advice takes a romantic turn 😂🕯️✨ #MoodLighting

babe, candlelight, communication, dating, gaslight, humor, less, light, relationship, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

2 months ago

ago, apartment, days, disappearance, done, door, event, gone, humor, ignored, ignoring, mystery, small, small door, three, unexpected, unexpected event
I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

2 months ago

am, blooming, dust, i, independence, nature, quiet, quiet strength, rebellion, resilience, ruins, strength, through, wildflower
You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

2 months ago

20, age, humor, perspective, realization, realize, time, truly, twenty, young, youth
I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

2 months ago

amen, fun, hope, i, job, laid, laid off, relationship, wish, year
In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

2 months ago

20s, 40s, age, around, bedtime, forty, fun, humor, jingle, nightlife, party, ten, twenty
Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

2 months ago

complaint, hours, humor, job, just, office, show, sometimes, stress, torture, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

17 shares on X this month:

An electric car is just another electric chair.

93 shares on X this month:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

83 shares on Telegram this month:

No one shoots at your feet and tells you to dance anymore.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

53 shares on Slack this month:

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Trending via Slack:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

Seen just now on X:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

Making waves on X:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Just landed via Facebook:

Sorry for acting weird. It’s just that I mirror people, and you were being weird first.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Broadcasted on X:

I have a yearning disability.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨