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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,299

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Making waves on Slack:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

Just landed via Twitch:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Trending via Reddit:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Live now on Snapchat:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Going viral on Threads:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just need a cauldron and a cat, and you'll be casting curses in no time! 🧙‍♀️😼🍵

aging, almost, anger, angry, bitter, bitterness, complete, humor, old, old woman, sarcasm, transformation, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

0

2 months ago

aunt, communication, cousin, died, family, gossip, humorous, humorous observation, husband, just, know, mom, neighbor, neighbors, observation, should, thought
Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

0

2 months ago

before, communication, education, grammar, humor, internet, nostalgia, only, people, punctuation, remember, spelling
If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

0

2 months ago

broke, humor, kids, parenting, used
“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

0

1 month ago

20, finding, human, humor, jeans, luck, money, old, surprise, version
Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

0

2 months ago

awkward, communication, humor, interaction, joke, misunderstanding, nothing, offline, offline people, online, online joke, people, social, social interaction, tell, trying
I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, job, lay, lay down, laziness, meant, ponder, relaxation, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on WeChat this month:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

43 shares on X this month:

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

55 shares on Instagram this month:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

12 shares on Threads this month:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Taking off my house pajamas to put on my errands pajamas.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

Shared recently on Twitch:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨