Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply. Posted onMay 20, 2026
If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears. Posted onMay 20, 2026
There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon. Posted onMay 20, 2026
As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m. Posted onMay 20, 2026
When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data. Posted onMay 20, 2026
That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead. Posted onMay 20, 2026
A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password. Posted onMay 20, 2026
My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis. Posted onMay 20, 2026
We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace. Posted onMay 20, 2026
We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s. Posted onMay 20, 2026
The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder. Posted onMay 20, 2026May 20, 2026