Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it. Posted onMay 20, 2026
No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever. Posted onMay 20, 2026
When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas. Posted onMay 20, 2026
The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it. Posted onMay 20, 2026
They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners. Posted onMay 20, 2026
The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.” Posted onMay 20, 2026
Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude. Posted onMay 20, 2026
It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you. Posted onMay 20, 2026
We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one. Posted onMay 20, 2026