Wordgag ツ

5,000+ funny quotes

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Funny Quotes July 9, 2024

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Funny Quotes June 29, 2024

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

Funny Quotes October 10, 2024

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

Funny Quotes August 12, 2024

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Funny Quotes May 6, 2024

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

Funny Quotes September 18, 2024

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

Funny Quotes September 29, 2024