Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I only like when it rains when I’m home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,852

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Just shared via Slack:

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Going viral on YouTube:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Going viral on Slack:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Trending via Threads:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

More funny quotes 👇

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

3

17 hours ago

car, car repair, carey, cd, Christmas, Christmas CD, fine, holiday, holiday music, making, mariah, Mariah Carey, mechanic, music, noise, repair, terrible
I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

0

17 hours ago

budgeting, finance, hate, humor, i, lose, math, me, money, personal, personal finance, self blame, spending, where
December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

0

17 hours ago

calorie, count, December, diet, eating, festive, food, holiday, humor, indulgence, law
Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

0

17 hours ago

childhood, enough, family, humor, kid, kids, old, parent, parenting, problem
It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

0

17 hours ago

energy, exhaustion, humor, inside, much, retail, shopping, store, Walmart
Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

1

17 hours ago

blessing, contrast, dirty, dirty mind, face, having, humor, innocent, innocent face, mind, personality, truly
Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

0

4 days ago

9-5, 9-5 job, 95, crypto, dumb, honesty, i, influencer, influencing, job, laziness, lazy, making, making money, money, scam, self-doubt, shy, shyness, too
People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

3

4 days ago

being, frustration, hate, humor, income, job, money, people, poor, poverty, still, work, working
No ChatGPT for me, thanks. I will be asking Liam Gallagher on Twitter.

1

4 days ago

asking, celebrity, ChatGPT, gallagher, humor, i, liam, Liam Gallagher, me, media, social, social media, thanks, Twitter
The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

1

4 days ago

finance, humor, i, money, need, patience, urgency

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Messenger this month:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

89 shares on X this month:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

56 shares on X this month:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Live now on WhatsApp:

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

Just landed via Instagram:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Just landed via X:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Making waves on Messenger:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨