The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know. Posted onMay 20, 2026
The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first. Posted onMay 20, 2026
If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people. Posted onMay 20, 2026
There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it. Posted onMay 20, 2026
No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever. Posted onMay 20, 2026
When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas. Posted onMay 20, 2026
The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it. Posted onMay 20, 2026
They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners. Posted onMay 20, 2026