Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Being a sleepy girl with a busy life is so hard.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

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Avocado is just green butter.

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Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.