The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

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Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

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At the job interview with one AirPod in.

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Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

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People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

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Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

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I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

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Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

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Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

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No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.