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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I only accept apologies in cash.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,549

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Spotted on Slack:

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Just landed via Telegram:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Making waves on Twitch:

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

Seen just now on Discord:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Spotted on Telegram:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Just landed via Reddit:

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

Live now on Facebook:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

0
The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.
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Commentary:
"Sleep and I have a 'it's complicated' relationship! 😴💔😂"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

19 shares on X this month:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

12 folks are currently checking 👀

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking women for sex just to end the conversation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,570

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

Seen just now on Slack:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

Trending via TikTok:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

Making waves on Snapchat:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Seen just now on WeChat:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Just landed via WeChat:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Breaking via Reddit:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Live now on Threads:

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

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