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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,589

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

Live now on Messenger:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Going viral on Discord:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

Spotted on Pinterest:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Shared recently on Messenger:

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
"Note to self: bring tissues and whisper quietly next time! 😅🔫 #DramaFreeShopping"

asking, awkward, awkward situation, comedy, crying, firearms, gun, gun store, humor, interaction, real, situation, social, social interaction, store, walk, weird, weirdness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

1 month ago
analyze, consequences, decision, failure, humor, i, irony, limit, risk, screw, screw up, self-reflection, situation, take
You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

1 month ago
age, aging, beauty, confidence, glow, glow-up, grow, hotter, humor, improvement, maturity, self, self-improvement
You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

1 month ago
cat, hair, house, humor, pet, thing, think
Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

5 months ago
access, humor, internet, people, read-only, restriction, should, technology
The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

1 month ago
am, best, best moment, daily, daily routine, day, humor, i, identity, know, moment, morning, routine, self-discovery, time
Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

1 month ago
age, brag, cranky, crisis, humor, i, life, life stages, man, mid-life, mid-life crisis, midlife, old, old man, stages, straight

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Just landed via Slack:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Trending via Reddit:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

Seen just now on Facebook:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Making waves on Slack:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

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Activity Log ✨

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

What are cats even trying to do?

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

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They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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