Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.