Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,553

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Spotted on Facebook:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Breaking via Discord:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Just landed via WeChat:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Just landed via Facebook:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Witty text about ignoring own advice, playfully highlighting hypocrisy or self-awareness.
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Commentary:
Looks like someone needs a taste test before serving up that advice buffet! 🍴🙃

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

95 shares on Discord this month:

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

63 shares on X this month:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

51 shares on Slack this month:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I accidentally clicked on an ad, so I guess I will see that product all over my phone until I’m dead.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,636

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

The void screams into me.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Just landed via TikTok:

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

Seen just now on TikTok:

Uh oh, said somethin’ weird. Better fix it by saying something even weirder.

Live now on Discord:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Live now on Slack:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Just landed via Discord:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Just shared via Twitch:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

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