When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

44 shares on Threads this month:

These aliens are taking forever.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m so single right now, I can’t even spell relayshaunship.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin?

62 shares on X this month:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.