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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Stop letting people who are going to hell bother you.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,705

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Shared recently on Instagram:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Just landed via YouTube:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Spotted on X:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Live now on TikTok:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Live now on Pinterest:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Seen just now on Slack:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Spotted on Threads:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Shared recently on Facebook:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Live now on Messenger:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

1 month ago

Humorous text about pretending not to notice friends' religiosity.

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Commentary:
Trying not to draw battle lines at the dinner table—Godspeed! 🙏😅

friend, friends, humor, i, interaction, notice, pretend, religion, religious, social, social interaction

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91 shares on Slack this month:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

13 shares on X this month:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

54 shares on Slack this month:

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

73 shares on Instagram this month:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Making waves on Telegram:

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

Going viral on Instagram:

Is there a job where I can lay on the floor and listen to music?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Just shared via Messenger:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Just took off my daytime sweatpants and put on my nighttime sweatpants.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Just shared via Threads:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

Spotted on Discord:

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨