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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Making waves on Twitch:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Been telling everyone, “It’s been a good year for horses.” No idea whether that’s true or not, but they keep nodding like it makes a lot of sense.

Live now on Pinterest:

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Just shared via Twitch:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

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Commentary:
Having kids is like adopting your very own chatty sidekick, but with less hoof and more "why" 🐴🎤👶

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My parents think they know me.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

29 shares on Threads this month:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,390

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Shared recently on Threads:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Spotted on Twitch:

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Just shared via Slack:

My DMs are always open if you want to talk to yourself.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Spotted on Telegram:

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

Shared recently on Slack:

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Trending via Pinterest:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

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