Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

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My taste in music ranges from “You’ve gotta listen to this” to “I know, please don’t judge me.”

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A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

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Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

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“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

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Funny that all this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads before Twitter came along.

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This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

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Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

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I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

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When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

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Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.