I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.