Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Eating nothing but beer for a month and calling that Oktoberfast.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,524

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Just shared via Discord:

Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

Making waves on Pinterest:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Trending via Snapchat:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Seen just now on Facebook:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Freshly posted on X:

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Making waves on TikTok:

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Trending via Facebook:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

0
Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, looks like those fancy almonds have been lying to us all along—it's just tree’s version of a home-cooked snack! 🌰😂 Next time you crunch on one, remember you're basically gnawing on a tiny piece of tree furniture. Who knew? 🌳🤭

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Instagram this month:

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

94 shares on Threads this month:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,368

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Soup is great for when you’re hungry but want to still feel hungry afterward.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Freshly posted on X:

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

Just shared via WeChat:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Live now on Facebook:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Trending via Reddit:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

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