Commentary:
When my hair hasn't met shampoo in days, I'm convinced I'm only compatible with my couch! 😅🛋️💔
Author Archives: slickboy
Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.
Commentary:
When I heard about getting blown to bits, I wasn't expecting a first-class ticket to Smithereens! 💥😂✈️
If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?
Commentary:
Trying to solve this mystery feels more like a math problem disguised as dinner prep! 🍽️🧅🤔
In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.
Commentary:
Leap into your 30s with style—short men make great hurdles! 🏃♀️🤣🏆
I love when my friends have quiet boyfriends. Like, girl, your dog is so good, sis.
Commentary:
Sounds like you've got a boyfriend with a built-in mute button 😂🤐 #QuietGoals
Commenting “AI slop” under pictures of my friends’ kids opening presents.
Commentary:
When your friend's kid gets socks for Christmas: "AI slop strikes again! 🎁🤖👶"
If three ghosts visited me on Christmas, I’d make them play Mario Party with me.
Commentary:
Ghosts better bring their A-game, because I'm about to teach them the true meaning of Joy-Con drift! 👻🎮🎄
Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’
Commentary:
Guess I won't be playing Santa at the next family gathering! 🎅🍽️🙈
I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.
Commentary:
When you realize you're just one family reunion away from becoming an enigma wrapped in a mystery 😅🤔🕵️♂️
No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're dating a human snooze button 😴💕👉⏰