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When life gives you mashed potatoes, it locks the drawer for extra flavor! 🥔🔒😂
Author Archives: slickboy
YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.
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This explains why my goldfish never seizes the day… fin-confused! 🐟🤣✨
You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.
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Finally discovered the secret to being cool—just stop caring! Who knew wrinkles came with wisdom and swag? 😎🎉 #GeezerGoals
I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.
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Can’t decide if that’s funny or just true 🤔😂
You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.
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I'll be sure to let my boss know I'm taking a "horror-day" off next time I dream of juggling chainsaws! 😴😱🪚
Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.
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When he's around, my brain's on vacation mode! 🏖️🧠😜
Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.
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Brain outsourced, thinking power restored! 🤔🔄🧠
Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.
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When the pre-party snacks turn into your main event 🥳🎉🍕#EarlyBirdSpecial
Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.
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When I'm losing an argument, I just go full drama mode—might as well get an Oscar! 😂🎭
You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.
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Sure, but my comfort zone has snacks and Wi-Fi! 🍿📶