Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

The sweater is an item of clothing that a child has to wear when parents are cold.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,279

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

Live now on TikTok:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Live now on Pinterest:

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Spotted on Reddit:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Shared recently on Threads:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Spotted on YouTube:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Going bananas on Slack:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your Harvard degree clashes with my middle school diploma: "What's a dissertation?" 😂📚🧠

argument, arguments, dating, education, humor, misunderstanding, outside, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

0

2 months ago

agenda, event, hear, humor, irony, me, party, people, reveal, social, social event, trust
Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

0

2 months ago

app, apps, best, communication, dating, dating app, good, humor, media, meeting, place, social, social media, soulmate, tweet
Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

0

2 months ago

afterlife, back, death, die, embarrassment, fitted sheet, ghost, humiliation, humor, irony, thing
Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

0

4 months ago

airfare, expense, expensive, give, going, humor, joke, just, me, plane, plane ticket, ride, ticket, tickets, transportation, travel, why
My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

0

2 months ago

age, dining, help, humor, husband, loud, marriage, menu, questions, reading, send, where, whole
I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

0

2 months ago

adult, adulthood, again, cosplay, functional, functional adult, humor, identity, role-playing, self-deprecation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

89 shares on Threads this month:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

Going bananas on Twitch:

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

Spotted on Threads:

Text her when the moon looks pretty.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Spotted on Facebook:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Making waves on Discord:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Seen just now on Slack:

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

Live now on Telegram:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨