Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

My Wi-Fi is stronger than my will to socialize.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,340

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Spotted on Telegram:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Live now on Facebook:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Just landed via YouTube:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Just shared via Snapchat:

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When I said I wanted "bigger portions" for the holidays, I didn't mean the screen size! 🍗📺🤣

big, black, Black Friday, consumerism, Friday, grocery, humor, put, sale, shopping, TV, TVs

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

0

2 months ago

back, backtalk, beautiful, beauty, behind, compliment, cool, coolness, gossip, humor, irony, talking
“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

0

2 months ago

date, decline, exaggeration, humor, ID, me, myself, politely, relationship, self-deprecation, volcano
A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

0

2 months ago

breaths, compliment, exhale, fitness, humor, i, inhale, joke, me, misunderstanding, nice, trainer
You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

0

2 months ago

bad, computer, connection, digital, humor, internet, just, love, pun, relationship, tech
I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

0

2 months ago

apology, bad, bad experience, coupon, customer, customer service, experience, food, here, humor, restaurant, service, sorry, terrible, terrible food
Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

0

2 months ago

circumstance, circumstances, control, excuse, humor, i, irony, late, procrastination, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Discord this month:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

23 shares on Slack this month:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

39 shares on Threads this month:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

91 shares on Discord this month:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

23 shares on Slack this month:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

27 shares on Threads this month:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The void screams into me.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

Making waves on WeChat:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

Trending via Snapchat:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Trending via YouTube:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Sane is boring.

Trending via Snapchat:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨